Don't know how to describe psycho test today.
It was easier than the previous time, and I knew what was the answers, but I just couldn't recollect those thoughts properly. ):
damn!
the presentation was overall okay.

then training.
did a full preview of all the scores.
So basically today I screwed up everything - Xuan, Lang, CW & SL's scores.
especially Lang.
so damn bloody disheartening. ):
What is wrong with me today, seriously?
I swear I practiced damn hard for this preview, but I don't know why it would turn out like this.

Maybe you all would say, aiya it's just a score and it's taught in a month complete with actions, cannot be helped since it's so rushed.
but to me, I think that it's kind of something big for me.
It's like having someone pinning hopes on you because they think you can do it, but you ended up not only disappointing them, but failing yourself.
And also, I don't want to make excuses for myself to make myself feel better.
If others can do it, why can't I?

Just now suddenly couldn't take all of this anymore, cos probably everything just came all at once that I found it hard to continue.
But yup, thanks to Lynette for comforting, I'm okay now.
and CharmaineK. too! hahha. (:

Also, I realised that I'm changing.
I don't know why I am, and the bad thing is, I seem to be changing for the worst.
I can feel myself changing, but I don't know why I am, when I don't even want to change.
Like for example in the past, when I realised that my homework wasn't done, or when I was going to be late for school, or failing a test, or even studying for a test last minute, I would feel all panicky and uptight and scared.
But now, all those emotions seemed to have disappeared.

It's like, when I know I'm going to be late for school, I don't feel anxious, I don't feel scared.
I just feel ... neutral, like as if nothing has happened at all.
I don't want to be immune to this kind of feelings.

I don't like to feel like that, but there's nothing I can do to help.
I don't know why this is happening to me, and it's not that i've not tried changing myself to how I was last time, but that emotions you feel when you do something that's wrong - it's horrible because you know it's lost somewhere and you can't seem to find it back.

Sometimes I wish I could be friends to myself so I can know myself better.

and I really need to start studying for exams le.
Realised that it's only 2 weeks till Sem Exams.
Time has really passed very quickly, and I don't want to waste anymore time.

Okay the time now's 1.56am.
And there's BMic Prac Test & BNF project consultation tmr!
Just now halfway while blogging this post out, I closee my eyes for less than 30secs, and I felt my mind drifting away.
so scary lol.

okay bye!